LadyInRed's Datingish

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 20:03:39 GMT

Name: Erica

Age: 22

About Me: I’m a New York City girl who’s about to graduate from a university in the Big Apple this May. I used to want to be a professional singer, but now I’m freelance writing, hoping to become a writer for a woman’s magazine, a life coach, and motivational speaker. I’m a hopeless romantic, and a HUGE (that being an understatement) Sex & the City fan.

Ideal Man: intelligence and creativity of Mos Def, the looks of Mos Def or Lamman Rucker (from Why Did I Get Married), Will Smith’s sense of humor, with a romantic mind like Nicholas Sparks…hahaha. I’m just a sucker for love…

Random Things I Like: gallivanting around NYC, spending hours and hours laughing and talking about anything and everything with my girlfriends, singing (R&B), listening to R&B and Hip Hop (particularly ‘90s/early 2000’s stuff), writing, watching interior design shows on HGTV, watching basketball, daydreaming...

Online Body Image Communities

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:34:16 GMT

Even at the young age of 22, it seems I’ve struggled with food and body issues for too many years. Never too proud to seek help, however, I’ve often read books, magazine articles, and lately, blogs to help me get motivated about being healthy, happy with my body and looks the way they are at any given moment, and connected with other women who can relate to what I’ve been through. That’s what’s so great about the time we live in--we have access to TONS of helpful, encouraging information right at our fingertips!

While we know Healthkicker is your favorite health and fitness blog (), the World Wide Web is a pretty big place, and who are we to keep you from all the other awesome health resources out there, particularly those talking about body image? So I thought I’d share the wealth with you guys…or should I say, the health? (Ok that was corny—forgive me, it’s early. Lol.)

Here are some of the sites I frequent, and what they’re about. If you have any that you’d like to share, drop’em in the comment section for us! (But please--POSITIVE sites focused on a healthy body image ONLY. Thank you!)

Healthy Girl - http://www.healthygirl.org - Ok, this is my absolute favorite blog about body image. Created by Glamour magazine's health editor Sunny Seagold, it focuses primarily on recovering from binge eating disorder (and food issues in general). Sunny and her assistant, Morgan, come up with amazing posts about real life food/body situations that will make you say, "Oh wow, I SO know what she's talking about!" Definitely check this one out.

The F Word - http://www.the-f-word.org - Another great one, this site is "neither pro-fat nor pro-thin, but rather pro-healthy." Posts on society's pressures, the emaciated, unfair fashion industry, and other taboo subjects about weight form a loving, supportive community for women to confront their fears of the 3 "F words"--Food, Fat, and Feminism.

The Manfattan Project - http://www.themanfattanproject.tumblr.com - This blog has featured photos of stylish, fabulous women on the streets of New York City, who just so happen to be overweight. Clearly, the point is to show that you don't have to be a size 2 to wear trendy, sexy, unique, clothing. You can be hot at ANY weight--the only one stopping you is YOU. (Of course, the site is not advocating being overweight--just loving yourself for who you are at any shape.) While on hiatus at the moment, the creator of this Tumblr blog, Melissa, is set to come back in a major way (and soon I hope!), this time taking her project over to San Francisco. In the meantime, check out the archive of pics from the New York ladies.

Weightless - http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/ - A blog by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, Weightless seeks to free womens' minds of the number on the scale by giving helpful body image advice, discussions on eating disorders, and real womens' stories on their struggles and triumphs with body image. Love this one!

Also, BlogHer.com has a huge list of body image blogs-- http://www.blogher.com/body-image-blogs -- I can't promise they're all good, but there sure are a lot to choose from!! If I find any other great ones, I'll be sure to do another post on this topic!

Remember, you are never alone. Seek comfort and support through the many health and body image communities out there, like Healthkicker and the sites mentioned above, and you will be doing something wonderful for your current and future self.

Love,

LadyInRed

What are Your Healthkickers?

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:57:56 GMT

There are days when I would much rather hit snooze than hit the gym, or pretend that cookies are in their own, very important food group and eat them all day. Yet there are other times when the thought of working out and eating right gets me completely pumped--these are moments when I see, think, or hear something that motivates me to be my healthiest self. Here are 7 things that kick me into a healthy state-of-mind--aka, my healthkickers:

1) Women’s magazines (particularly SELF & Glamour). Instead of comparing myself to models in magazines that have different body types than mine, I use these magazines for fuel. They are filled with great info on health and happiness, which is super encouraging.

2) Music. What can I say? I'm sure everyone can relate to this…there’s some music out there that can just get you going, whether it's from the beat or the lyrics! Check out the awesome comments you guys left for this post for workout song ideas you might want to consider adding to your iPods.

3) Cute workout clothes. I just bought some fun new athletic gear from Marshalls today since my closet was seriously lacking it. I got home, threw the clothes in the wash, and as soon as they were out of the dryer I put on a pair of Champion capris (that makemy butt look amazing, if I do say so myself--lol) and a matching sports bra top and hit the treadmill! When you look good, you feel good, right?

4) Nature. For the most part I live in New York City, but when I visit my parents in northeastern New Jersey I love to be outside as much as I can. There’s a reservation about 20 minutes from the house where people go hiking and stroll around the gorgeous deep-blue lakes. The very thought of it makes me want to lace up my sneakers and take in all the natural beauty; it gives me a great workout and it clears my mind.

5) Tiredness. I hate that lethargic feeling I have when I haven’t been eating very healthily over the last few days. Too much sugar completely sucks the life out of me, and when I’m exhausted, nothing gets done. The less junk food I have, the more energy I have and the easier it is to move through a long, hectic day!

6) Being healthy. Yes, that’s right. Being healthy inspires me to continue to be healthy. I notice all the benefits I’m getting (better skin, more energy, my clothes fitting better) and that makes me want to keep going.

7) Thinking about my future. I’ve always heard that maintaining good health habits in your 20’s and 30’s is similar to putting money in the bank for retirement. When I think about the kind of woman I want to be and the type of life I want to be living decades from now (God-willing that I'm around), I picture myself looking and (more importantly) feeling younger than my age. No one wants to end up in a hospital if they can help it. Although it's important to focus on the present, everytime I exercise and eat right I feel like I’m doing something positive for my future self.

So, tell me: what inspires you to be healthy? What are your healthkickers?

I Love You, but You're Making Me Fat

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:51:36 GMT

And you thought being single, with all it's lonely nights and "No, Aunt Clara, I still don't have a boyfriend" repetition, was what could really make you fat.

But, not surprisingly, being in a relationship, with all it's bonding over heavy pasta dishes and "Come on, sweetie, you're beautiful no matter what you eat" repetition, can do the same thing. It's often even worse. Here are a few reasons why:

You're no longer on the hunt. Since you've already got the guy, you feel like you don't have to impress him as much anymore, particularly if you're in a long-term relationship. Besides, he should accept you no matter what, right? You're comfortable (maybe a little too comfortable) with your situation.
It's you and your honey's tradition to watch LOST while eating a huge plate of hot wings. As mentioned before, bonding is a huge reason why many people put on the pounds when attached.
Relationship stress. Let's face it, relationships aren't always sunshine and fluffy bunnies--there tends to be some bumps along the way. And often, the most appealing choice to cope with a rocky road is to dig into some Rocky Road and tell your boyfriend you left him for Ben AND Jerry. Take THAT!

According to the March issue of Glamour, women who live with their partner are "63% more likely to become obese than those who don't." That's a pretty high percentage!

If you're in a relationship, how do you personally not let it mess with your eating habits?

Pick an Emotion, Any Emotion--But Try Not to Feed It

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:25:51 GMT

There are many different reasons that lead people to eat based on emotions because, well, there's a heck of a lot of emotions that one could have. Instead of dealing with these feelings, it often seems more tempting to put them aside and distract ourselves with a bowl of ice cream or a big bag of chips. Some people chow down when they're bored, others stuff their faces when they're tired, and still others inhale excess calories when they're excited about something.

When I emotionally overeat, it's generally because I'm procrastinating or stressed. When I see my mile-long to-do list, it is menacing and discouraging. Suddenly, cravings start popping up out of nowhere. "I just ate an hour ago," I'll think to myself. "Oh well, that pasta looks good!"

I'm starting to learn to break down my to-do lists into categories: things that need to get done ASAP, things that need to get done within the near future, and things that I'd like to do but aren't necessary. After dividing the tasks up, I often realize that I'm assigning more work to myself than need be, which calms me down. Even when there really is a lot to get done right away, I remind myself that the only thing that will shorten that to-do list is if the things on it actually get done--a bag of Skittles later, and that essay will still be waiting for me!

What emotions cause you to reach for the cookie jar (or whatever else)? Do you give in, or do you find other ways to cope with (or celebrate) what you're going through?

Chocolate Can Make a Girl Do Some CRAZY Things...

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:53:14 GMT

So picture this: It’s around midnight sometime in July of 2007, and after just getting home from hanging out at my friend’s house, I plop down on my living room couch to see what’s on TV. Suddenly, I have a craving for frosting (random, I know). I know my Mom keeps some in our house for when she decides to bake, so I creep down to the basement to get some. I dig right in with a tablespoon (I think it was milk chocolate flavored) and start thinking to myself, “What are you doing? You don’t need this.” So I cover the container and throw it in the garbage.

Not long after I sit back down on the couch do I hear the stifled murmurs of the frosting calling me: “Eat me, I’m so rich and creamy…you know you want to.” Bypassing the fact that I hear food talking to me, I give in to its love song. After PULLING THE FROSTING OUT OF THE GARBAGE--yes, really--I finish about half of it. (Gross, I know, but in my defense the lid was tightly on it….okay, okay, no it’s gross either way. LOL.)

Suddenly, I’m fuming. Did I actually just go into the garbage to get this? Am I really that crazy? So without even thinking, I hop into my Toyota Camry (wearing only pajamas and socks), grab the half-empty Betty Crocker container, and drive down the street. There is a small stream on the left, and since I live on a pretty quiet street (and because it's late), I start driving on the left side of the road! I roll down my window and try to chuck the frosting down into the stream. Unfortunately, since I threw it with my left, non-dominant hand, it falls right by a tree, still STARING AT ME.

That was not good enough--I wanted that thing GONE. I mean, I just freakin went back into the trash can for it; Lord knows what else I’d do. So I get out of the car with a flashlight, tip-toe over to where it fell, and proceed to throw it again, this time having it land where I wanted to. I drive back hoping my neighbors didn't see me, and laughing hysterically at myself for what had just occurred within the last 20 minutes.

Back then, I had binge eating disorder. Since I am now well into the recovery stage, I can look back and laugh at stuff like this. Well, yes, I did laugh then too…but now it’s even more unbelievably funny.

I think everyone has some ridiculous experiences with food like this (at least I hope so, or else I’m officially nuts). Some might not seem so funny when they occur, but later on may make for a knee-slapping, “oh-no-you-didn’t!” story. If you’ve got any, this is the place to share’em! There’s nothing better than being able to laugh at ourselves.

If You Must Fight, Do it Right

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:02:51 GMT

We all know that the occasional fight is bound to arise in any kind of relationship, particularly those that are romantic in nature. This is considered completely healthy and normal by the likes of world-renowned psychologists, Cosmopolitan, and the average Joe or Jane down the street. Small, clean fights can actually bring a couple closer together, making them feel as though they can overcome any relationship obstacles that come their way. The things that could make or break a couple is how two people fight and what their tiffs are generally about...

Of course there are the obvious things to avoid in order to make an argument constructive and not destructive. Finger-pointing, name-calling, and cursing are probably not going to get you anywhere. Neither is relentlessly trying to get your SO to agree with you, especially when you know you’re in the wrong. On the other hand, there are positive things you can do, like confronting problems as they arise instead of letting them boil up inside for long periods of time, or talking in a firm, but calm, I-want-to-make-this-better tone of voice.

But what might be some of the less obvious ways to “fight fair” as Tim and Joy Downs, authors of the popular self-help book, Fight Fair, would say. What do you and your honey tend to fight about? Is it over serious matters or trivial stuff that could be avoided? Do you tend to hold grudges even if you try not to, or do you forgive and forget pretty easily?

How Do They Do It?!: The Secrets to an Everlasting (and Happy) Relationship

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 19:59:46 GMT

The March issue of Cosmopolitan has an article called "Habits of Crazy-in-Love Couples," discussing how to make love last forever. Predictably, one of the tips given is to keep the sex exciting (or at least to keep it from dwindling). Another is sharing guilty pleasures with another, like watching that horrible yet addictive reality show you both love, or indulging in a cheesy pasta dish once a week. Another is trying new activities together, like salsa lessons or checking out a unique art gallery.

I've been thinking a lot about this topic myself lately, as it seems I have found the man I would love to be with for a lifetime, so I want to make it last. My parents, who ultimately love each other very much and would do anything for one another, have a very boring marriage. They have completely different personalities, which causes them to fight frequently about the dumbest things. They rarely seem affectionate towards each other (my Dad triest to be sometimes, but my Mom sort of pushes him away). My Dad watches sports in the living room while my Mom comes in at nine from working at the town library and flies upstairs to their room to watch a soap opera that not even a triple chocolate cake could pull her away from. I have some commitment issues, and sometimes I wonder (not that I'm putting all the blame on them) if witnessing my parents lackluster marriage over the years has contributed to them. In other words, I love my parents, but if I ever get married, I do not want a marriage like theirs.

What do you think it takes to keep a relationship strong and thriving and passionate over the years? There are sure to be rough spots in a long-term relationship, but how do you a) prevent them as much as possible and b) work through them? I've always been fascinated by those couples who have been married for 70 years and still have that twinkle in their eyes when they look at one another. My guy and I would love to be one of those success stories...so what do you think the secret is?

Your "Going Out" Relationship Rules

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 19:08:36 GMT

When it comes to my guy going out for a night with his boys to a bar or club or wherever, I tend to be pretty laid back about it. I trust him completely, not to mention that I kind of have an interesting approach to stuff like this.

To me, it is human nature to flirt, and I'm not sure that I believe that people are meant to be completely monogamous. And after you've been in a relationship for a long time, I think we all want to feel like we've "still got it," so if smiling back at the hot bartender will keep him feeling like he still has game (which will end up keeping him happier in our relationship), then I'm all for it.

I believe that a huge reason why people cheat is because they feel trapped, particularly when they're young. It's crazy to think that you've already found the person you want to be with for the rest of your life at a young age; so no matter how sincerely happy you are about it, sometimes the thought of being with one person FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE can feel a bit...well...binding, especially when your "rules" are stricter than an 83 year-old librarian's. Remember when your parents said you couldn't have or do something, which in turn made you want to have or do that thing even more? I think the same mentality applies here.

The bottom line is this: I know there are millions of other beautiful women out there, and I don't expect my SO to not look at them or to not have interactions with women other than myself. That would be completely unhealthy. And he realizes that guys are going to hit on me whether he likes it or not, and trusts that he's the one I want to be with. I'm the one he's coming home to at the end of the night, and vice versa.

Now trust me--THERE IS A LINE that shouldn't be crossed. Innocent flirting ("Thank you, you're very pretty too, what's your name?") is not an issue at all to me. Dancing close isn't either. But telling her all the things you'd wanna do to her while groping her ass on the dance floor is a COMPLETELY different story. If you're blessed with a SO who knows the difference and doesn't cross that line, then you've got a great situation, like I do.

In terms of talking with him while he's out, I try not to. Time apart is necessary for any couple to survive. Although we'd often like to be (), we don't have to be on each other every second; I do not make him call me when he gets home--he often just does it himself. However, sometimes I ask if he could just text me (even if I might be sleeping at that point) so I know that he got in safely. And sometimes I just can't resist texting him while he's out to let him know how much I want him. Let's just say he comes home very happy.

Do you make your SO text you while he or she is out? Do they have to call you when they get home? Do you not want your man dancing with other girls? If your girl were to accept a drink from a stranger who offered to buy her one, would you get mad? Or are you lax, like myself? Basically, what are your going-out "rules"??

...You're wearing THAT?!

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 18:22:57 GMT

Ok, admit it. No matter how great your sweetie is--really listens, cracks you up, sets you off in bed--there are those certain items in his or her closet that you would love to accidentally-on-purpose take a blow torch to.

If I look back in my own dating life, there have been oh so many of these items. In the interest of saving a year of your time, I'll share three:

I used to date a very short (I'm thinking 5'4" at most) football player, who kind of resembles Mighty Mouse because he has ginormous muscles and no neck. As I've seen many athletes do (even sans uniform), too often he would wear long athletic shorts to the knee with high socks (also to the knee) with Addidas flip flops. So therefore, it made his already short legs look...well...like tree stumps. Not so sexy. Lol.

A basketball player that I casually dated ALWAYS wore our university's basketball apparel--the T-shirts, the shorts, the sweatshirts, the sweatpants, the hats--ALL. THE. TIME. We were only talking for a few weeks, and within that time pretty much just hung out at our apartments, so we never actually went out on a date; but I still wonder whether he would've thought he could get away with a "GO RAMS!" hoodie at a nice restaurant.

The guy I'm talking to now (who, NO, is not on a sports team, smartie pants--lol) has amazing style. Not "maybe-he's-actually-gay" style, but he just knows how to put things together and dresses to impress, which I love because I'm the same way. But the one thing he often wears which I CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT stand, are fitted Yankee hats with THE PRICE TAG still on underneath the rim. He says he's "doing his own thing," and I love creativity and individuality...but come on, really?? Man...he's lucky he's cute! Lol

Now of course, appearance is certainly not everything; but hey if you're gonna be seeing the person all the time, it wouldn't hurt to have something good to look at right? Ladies, I know there have been guys you've dated who have worn some pretty scary things (overly ripped and stained clothing anyone?); and fellas, from what I've heard, you all hate when your girl wears Ugg boots...but what else?

What fashion faux pas of the opposite sex drives you crazy??